Soo this was supposed to be a fb status but it was too long ...lol

Soo this was supposed to be a fb status but it was too long ...lol and i had a ball writing it and i really needed to get it off my chest.People will say that im hype and and that i should just move on so i will just say it for them ;-) I grow thru speaking my mind, So enjoy, laugh, be inspired..peace

Taneisha....is writing my own song, i aint gonna make it hell n ur life but 4real i am just gonna walk on by, I must admit I really thought u had potential But I could not have been more wrong I need somebody I can trust with his essentials, & no this isnt a song 2 humiliate u but tell me what girl was ever this true, & eventho im still singin i hate that i love u i know my worth & it makes me sick 2 my stomache(literally) 2 know that im bein played a fool...(shout out 2 all the dudes who want 2 walk in a man's shoes) ...good girl gone bad , i think imma enjoy this

Am I Grieving?

When discussing the feeling joy in my Men In Transition class it really stayed with me when someone described it as something that cannot be expressed through words. We were discussing joy because it is the healing for grief. I came to grasp two things during this class period that grief is also a feeling that cannot be expressed nor healed with words and I also realized that I was grieving.

When you hear that someone is grieving don’t you automatically think that it’s in result of someone passing away? Well you’re not alone because until me and my ex broke up in November I too only thought a person grieved when a loved one died. When I heard the characteristics of grief in class and decided to research it further, I was shocked with what I had uncovered.

I started dating one of my best friends when I was sixteen and after three years that consisted of him wanting to marry me and then beginning to put me down and finally cheating we broke up, and we have to remember that this was my best friend. After him I dated an old Upward Bound friend who I never seen myself with but once we got together I seen us being together for forever because he was just what I needed. Surprisingly that relationship took a very sour turn in what seemed like an instant when I found out that he used drugs on Valentine’s Day and he turned on me making me terrified of him by turning on me as if I wasn’t even a person who he knew. After him I did not think that I would want to be in a relationship anytime soon but about three months after we separated at the age of twenty and the end of my junior year I had started seeing a friend of a friend who was only going into his sophomore year. The fact that he was younger than me actually did not stand out the most but it was the fact that I never felt more like myself with anyone. This sounds hard to believe because I had been with my best friend for three years and a guy who seemed perfect for me. This was also hard to grasp because just like he had the best impact in my life he also brought the most pain.

The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss and that’s exactly what I felt when my ex ended our relationship. He and I went strong for six months which was his longest relationship and which felt like mine because of its depth. I wrote a poem about him in which I said that he “was the closest I had come to being completely whole with someone” and that was just a small piece to why in the end I felt like I did. Not to mention our break up ended suddenly when he said that he had to talk to me about something but it was nothing I should worry about. He had decided that he just didn’t want a girlfriend (he was not ready for the relationship), and I said well that’s the best decision because you deserve to be happy too but I had no idea what I had in store for my future.

I knew the facts. I knew that it all came down to that he did not want to be with me. I knew that what I was giving him wasn’t enough to make him stay even though he said I was everything he asked for in a women. I was aware of all the facts and because of that I thought I knew exactly how to cope. Unfortunately I thought that I would react the same way I did to every other break up but just like when a love one dies one goes through a period in which words cannot express the feelings tearing you down inside I went through the same thing. I did not expect grief as a result of a break up but that’s because it wasn’t until my feelings became unbearable that I realized just like when one loses a loved one I had loss another person that was deeply connected with me, a connection I thought could not be made with a bloodline.

* Because i did not realize what type of wound i had to heal i dealt with it in all the wrong ways. That's why it is important to take time out to analyze your life individually in order to really deal with things.

Here is the link to a few poems about this guy...
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/note.php?note_id=119453470848
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbCdbJSiPHE

Enjoy, Be inspired, Speak...

Real Talk (get to know me)

So this is my first blog on Feb 5, 2010. I have been wanting to do this for a while because at the age of 20( 21 in 5 days! holler) I REALIZE THAT I WAS PUT HERE TO SPEAK...♥ With that being said i want to tell some random things about me so that you can get to know me a little better.

-i hate for things to get stuck in my teeth
-I want to have fun everyday ..yup everyday its a beautiful thing
- ive never been so in luv.....yet i cant share it...1 of the hardest things 2 deal with
- i listen to Melanie Fiona, Algebra, Rihanna, & Jazmine Sullivan everyday..can u say addict
- ive realized that i will never truley accept my grandpop not being here..
- i really want to make a whole new life 4 my mom, she deserves so much more
- im missing talkn to my roomey
-i hate blueberries, strawberry flavored foods/candy, brussel sprouts, & squash
- ive really had a few real life stalkers and i aint even famous yet lol but seriously
- i luv Love ...
- without music i will be wacko like foreal, i have 2 listen to music all day
- i had sex wit sum1 who had a gf...(big mistake but i learned from it)
- it took me a long time 2 be completely open w/ everyone i know but i am now & its a wonderful feeling
- I didnt want 2 leave college without pledging for a sorority but everything happens 4 a reason
- i can be a stalker at times
- All jokes aside i thought of being wit my gf...becuz no one is more perfect for me (think what u want but im being real)
- Im REAL
- Im Natural now! yea baby
- i work out like 5 times a week
- i almost died when i was younger & i only ever old two of my best friends not even my mom
- i fell on my butt when in London in the rain

- Real name - Mykia Taneisha Shaw
Nickname(s) → T.Shaw, Tanny, Tan, Pendis, T, Tan Boo Tammy, Tane Sha, Pendishaw..etc..:)
Zodiac sign → Aquarius
Male or female → Female
Elementary School → Word of Life & American Christian
Middle School →Chester Charter
High School → Chester High.
Hair color → uuh brownish reddish blackish lol idk
Long or short → short
Loud or Quiet → ask my friends
Sweats or Jeans → tights
Phone or Camera → Camera
Health freak → naw
Drink or Smoke? → occasional sips
Do you have a crush on someone? → maybe
Eat or Drink → eat im a fatty
Piercings ----> ears
Tattoos → 4 going on 8 :-)

HAVE YOU EVER?
Been in an airplane → yea twice
Been in a relationship--> Yes
Been in a car accident - no
Been in a fist fight → a few times surprisingly

FIRSTS:
First piercing → Ears
First best friend → Shaneice & Ashley they are still my gurls
First award →not sure
First crush → Marquise..i cant believe i remember that lol
First big vacation- im working on it

LASTS:
Latest person you talked to --> My roomey
Latest person you texted → Ish
Latest person you watched a movie with - The Fresh Crew(just a name i have for my best friends)
Latest food you ate → turkey and cheese sandwich
Latest movie you watched → Mean Girls
Latest song you listened to → Naked by Serani
Latest thing you bought → a muffin..told u im a fatty
Latest person you hugged - my gf (my bestfriend but she literally goes by girlfriend ;--)

FAVES:
Food → Spaghetti
Drink--> apple juice
Clothing → skinny leg jeans and a wife beater
Flower → white rose
Animal → dog
Colors → purple, black, brown...weird combo
Movies- Waiting to Exhale, Save the Last Dance, Love and Basketball
Subjects →Philosophy

Enjoy, be inspired, speak